1 Sorry Sweden, sorry Norway, and especially sorry Denmark, but Prime Minister Hristijan Mickoski claims that “we have demonstrated European, Scandinavian-style management of municipalities at the local level, and that over the past year, we’ve shown at the central level that institutions in Macedonia can be managed without scandals suggesting crime, corruption, or abuse.”

Mickoski says: ”We have demonstrated and proven that we can manage institutions and municipalities much better than many European countries – and many of them are EU members.” He said that just a month and a half after the tragedy in Kochani, which claimed 62 lives, a tragedy caused precisely by corruption and the inaction of an entire chain of institutions, from the local police and municipal services to the state ministries and inspectorates.

Sorry Sweden, sorry Norway, and especially sorry Denmark, but we, the proud citizens of Macedonia, experience the joys of Scandinavian-style municipalities managed by mayors with a true Scandinavian mindset every single day, from the moment we step out of our homes until we get to work. When you get on a public bus you can’t tell whether you’re in Stockholm or Skopje. When you sit on a beach in Ohrid you can’t tell if an old washing machine will emerge from the water like the Little Mermaid statue in Copenhagen. Volunteers are helping us clear rubbish at the Skopje Aqueduct, a monument dating back to the sixth century, which is a much older protected monument than many monuments in Norway. Meanwhile, the staff of the Swedish Embassy in Skopje has been cleaning up rubbish across the city since its opening around 30 years ago, regardless of whether SDSM or VMRO-DPMNE is in power. Indiscriminately, in the most Scandinavian fashion.

All our cultural monuments and national parks are being restored and protected with foreign donations. We can safely say that our institutions manage things in a truly Scandinavian manner.

It’s peak Scandinavia when a citizen calls the municipality or an inspectorate to report an irregularity, only to be told that that particular thing isn’t within their jurisdiction. It’s also really Scandinavian when you report domestic violence, only to hear: For fuck’s sake, you again? Come on, you’ll make up.

In Scandinavia, citizens are encouraged to act responsibly. The Macedonian take on the Scandinavian model, however, discourages you from being a responsible citizen, from reporting irregularities, and from demanding that the institutions you fund actually do their job. Justice may be on your side, but the institutions aren’t.

2 Let me mention the 62 victims from Kochani once more, as a reminder of how efficient the state has been, from the local to the central level. Apart from the spike in café inspections, nothing has changed. Illegal buildings continue to spring up, and business premises are still being converted without permits. The “Pulse” nightclub, too, was converted from a carpet warehouse.

And local officials still shrug and say, “there’s nothing we can do, they’re rude,” and complaints to the police about loud music, illegal parking, or blocked accesses are still met with, “For fuck’s sake, you again?” and we’re still waiting for the tenders to be finalised for a company that would demolish illegal buildings. Even if inspectors do go out into the field, it’s in vain, there’ll be a deadline for appeals, then no budget for demolition, and then the Administrative Court will drag the process out indefinitely, tenants will move into buildings that haven’t passed technical inspection, have no property certificates, have no hydrant network, and have no access for Ambulance and Fire Brigade… Cafés, hotels and clubs will be operating there too.

At this rate, there’ll be, God forbid, another Kochani. And once again, the photojournalist who immortalised the tragedy of a father crying while holding the photo of his dead son will be the one blamed, and the government will accuse the outlets that published the photo of exploiting the parents’ tears.

I fear those photographs will end up as the only monument to the victims of corrupt authorities. Wouldn’t it be lovely if we could just forget Kochani ever happened and sit through party rallies, listening to how wonderful everything is?

3 In our dull Scandinavian lives, we’re trapped in a vicious circle. Every season brings the same old topics. Spring has come, the grass hasn’t been mown. Summer will come, the wildfires will begin. Autumn will come, the pollution will begin. Winter will come, we’ll be buried in snow and lost in the fog.

The favourite sport of Macedonian Scandinavians is – waiting. Right now, we’re waiting to see what happens with Arben Taravari. Will Mickoski’s next meeting with his coalition partner be as constructive as last week’s? Will they schedule another, even more constructive meeting?

What would this Scandinavian life be like without the drama of constant anticipation?

4 At the opening of the Macedonian pavilion at the World Expo 2025 in Osaka, Japan, the ensemble “Tanec” performed. But when I saw the photos of everyone who went, and heard the Prime Minister say that the costs had been reduced to a minimum, I thought to myself, well, if saving money was rally the priority, they didn’t have to bring “Tanec.”

That way, the nasty media and envious journalists wouldn’t have to ask how much the presentation in Osaka actually cost, which parts were covered by the Macedonian Government, whose trip was funded by the Japanese Government, which wife paid for her own ticket, why the delegation, in addition to three ministers, Culture, Foreign Affairs, and European Affairs, also included the Secretary General of the Government, the Prime Minister’s foreign policy advisor, the head of the Prime Minister’s Cabinet, and the Government’s spokesperson… At least those are the ones we know were there. There may well have been others, of course.

With so many people in the Macedonian delegation, they could’ve performed the chain dance themselves in Japan, no need for “Tanec.” They resembled a full ensemble anyway. They’re a national treasure even more valuable than “Tanec.” And they represent the country far better.

Translated by Nikola Gjelincheski